It’s been
just about a month since I arrived here in Fulda, and for much of that time my social
life has been spent auf deutsch. Apart from when I’m with the exchange students,
my primary language of communication has been German. Even among the other foreign students in my
German class, we still mostly communicate in German outside the classroom. All of this is, in the grand scheme of
things, an objectively good thing. I
came here to live and study in German after all, and every bit of language
practice helps.
Nonetheless
life lived in a second language is not without its frustrations. Of course, there are the relatively minor
things like simple misunderstandings in conversation, or trying to clearly
articulate a grammar question in class.
But above all the biggest frustration for me has been not being able to
fully express my personality.
Being able
to joke around and make witty remarks is one of the ways that I often express myself
to others. In English it’s easy and comes naturally. Auf deutsch
I have to think things through before I say them. For example, during warm-ups at ultimate
practice there is always lots of banter going back and forth. I’d love to participate and add something to
the conversation, but due to my German level I just can’t (yet). By the time I’ve thought of something to say
the conversation has changed, and so I remain mute.
It may seem
like something minor to complain about, but in not being able to fully express
myself in German I’m essentially revealing a simpler, dumber version of myself
to the people I meet. It’s like everyone
I talk to in English knows the current Ryan, while I everyone I talk to in
German knows the 6th grade version of Ryan.
I’m sure I’m
not unique in this situation, nor am I the first person to notice this, but it is something to be aware of when
speaking with non-native speakers. Language
is how we convey so much of who we are.
Our sense of humor, dreams, fears, beliefs are all made known to others
through it. When speaking a foreign
language, how much of those things are understood by your counterpart is
largely dependent on how well you speak their language.
Someday
soon I’ll be able to fully communicate all aspects of my personality auf deutsch, but until then I guess I’ll
have to keep thinking up witty German remarks before ultimate practice.
